you are so nice...

...you just love killing me dont you?....

还要多久 我才能在你身边

....how long...

confused

hmm...seriously im not scared of exams.but why am i getting this weird feeling that somethin'g not right.that something bad's gonna happen.i mean..examwise of course...cold feet?

hmmm...i dont know!

i could just die from being not able to figure out what's wrong.for some reason,im scared.but not that im gonna fail or anything.its something else... :'(

clearing cobwebs..

gosh.how long has it been since i've blogged.well.after continous daily begging from my fans..well..my one fan actually..haha..*slight bit exagerating*...hahah..i've found what to write about. ok.but 1st *dust dust here.dust dust there.clears cobwebs that surounds my blog*

hmm...EXAM...well..what do you expect me to write after that unholy 4 letters.everytime those 4 letters pop up in life...reactions repeat themselves...'omfg'..'die d la'...'how la wana study wei'..'fuck la..we're screwed la'...'sked la wei'...anything you guys wanna add?...hmmmm

well..for one...i have finally reached the point of my life..my 15 year old life...where i am no longer bound to the chains of fear when i hear those 4 letters. and no im not berlagaking or ssing that im smart.truth is,im not smart.i try to be.and that's a good thing.just because im in the first class..also a non braggy point...it doesnt mean i have the potential to get all As in everyting...it dosnt mean i am a pelajar cemerlang..fuck no to that...

everyday i go to school...i hear teachers blabber to us to get As 'or else'..and i see the fatal expression on my classmates face..trying to be a perfectionist when they dont actually realize it...the other day during seni class...my principal..whom after 3 years of knowing me still calls me MORGAN and not my actual non noobish name..continuedly praised our first girl..dashini...and i literally mean repeatedly praising her..asking-forcing students to beat her...and like take her as a role model...well..GOOD FOR HER PN DUMBASS...we're are not jealous,we're proud to call her our classmate and we're glad that in your eyes we will never be as good as her...well in my oppinion anyways...LISTEN TO ME...i have been through years of comparison..my whole life...i've been compared to those always better than me..in fact..i dont actually recall being praised for something that i know is good...

im not asking ya'll to take pity on me...im just asking you this...are you really..willing to be lock in fear,stress,worry when you are compared to people better than you..are you not pleased and satisfied with your best..the best you can give...?!

so im just wondering...why are you people...scared of exam results...or exams itself..??..after all these years i have finally realized something and i deeply hope it helps anyone of ya'll who read my blog..

no matter what result you get..even if you fail..that's the best you gave..NO do not say you did not feel like you gave your best...because you did..well unless you dont study la..anyway...dont worry about how your result we'll come out..you did your best.that's the best you can give.so please.be proud of what you achieved cuz you COULD HAVE gotten worse..but you did NOT..and NEVER ever let teachers or parents discriminate or condemn you cause of your marks..to THEM in their eyes...it was lousy..but dont care...its YOUR result..YOUR effort...its your best. and like..if they scold you, 'why get so low?'..'first class oso can get lidat r'...if you have the guts...i would encourage you to tell them..what you have been keeping in your heart..cuz i know MOST of ya'll have a lot to say to teacher because they misunderstand you..i am one of those victims..but you'tr scared cuz well..in school...they are God..or just seem to be..so if you have guts..tell them but NICELY AND RESPECTFULLY...if you dont dare to tell em..then tell yourself..that is most important..DO NOT let their words bring you down till you get scared again and kill yourself studying till you loose out on life and happiness.

been there.done that.fucking not going back.

if any of ya'll object what ive written.its okay.its just my oppinion and words from experience.so dont judge.

monday's my exam.i haven't study shit cuz i have no time. sorak,prs,shitloads..literally shitloads of homework,family probz..i am clearly screwed...BUT i will still be face to face with that exam paper..and not caring what will happen after it is in their hands..i will know i have gave my best because despite all this things keeping me occupied..i DID actually manage to study...so what i've studied,how much i've studied,although not much..what my result may be..will be my best (:

except for maths...i clearly DO NOT understand that crap..i actually broke down in class yesterday because i had no idea what the teacehr was scribbling and blabbering away...now the only thing im scared of exams is..when im facing that paper..deciding which answer and how to do it...NOT knwing which will be right..for each answer you write leads to what result you'll get..so im only scared for not knowing how to do so im technically increasing my chance of low marks..but hey..my best will be my best (: