bye blog.

alrights. imma make it clear. im deleting this acc. starting a new one.
so..wtvs in the prev blogs. its burnt.
kevin...i love you.
but i dont want to anymore. i have indirectly unintentionally made up my mind to stop loving you.
cuz it hurts too much.
i dont know if that makes sense or not..i dunno.
i wish things couldv been different. i wish things could still work out between us.
but i cant imagine when.
id do anything to bring back what we had last time, but i dont think you will..cuz..through actions..
well..your actions said it all. you're not gonna change but thanks for trying, maybe cuz you still dont know what you did wrong.
you've never been on the receiving end.
well..if you still dont know what you did wrong..im sorry. but thats something im done telling you, you gotta figure it out yourself.
so..yea. bye.

hi dusty old blog

heyooo dusty blog..damn how long has it been..haha okay..so imma just blahhh out whats happening in ma life.

1. school-wise :
- teachers are shitty as always, why is it that the teachers i like always go away :( the trainee teachers who are ACTUALLY understanding and nice. anyways i just avoid the ones that are socially retarded and craze about As As As and not their students self esteem. i get out of their way,do my work,they back off. if they dont..hmmm...sons of bitches. how ironic that todays mothers day. HAAAHS!
- folio palooza...hmmm...cant complain la but ISH..teachers just make things worse although i do appreciate their help. i hate people who hover around me.

2. famile-wise :
- okay i guess. same old same old. not gonna write bout it anyways if there are probz.

3. friendship-wise :
- BEYOND AWESOME!!..i just love these people so much..they are DA BOMB!..hah..lols..yessh i do still use words like BOMB..lol..but not in the lame way like how others do. I LOVE these people cuz they rock ma world. kudos mishie nie lynn jess yumiz joey!! you guys r-r-r-rawk.

4.love-wise? : p.s - im being a total chic here..with girl feelings.
-bet you people have been waiting for this huh..lols..ehm..well..this gonna be long i guess..so idk read if you wana,leave if you wana :) im just expressing =)..uhm..i guess..im confused..yea...this part of my life is called...getting sucked back slowly into the spider's web.

my spiderman - my 15. hmmm..ex spiderman :(

hmmm..i dont talk much bout him to my bestie cuz i know she'll just scold me..ive got nothing much to say anyways. cept for now. she's intoducing new guys to me cuz to her that could probably be the only way to help me get over him but hmmm....i want him. even though he can be a real shmuck. sometimes i do wonder what if...

i do love him and i wanna be with him..so so so much (: 

BUT i dunno..after the times he's hurt me..

im scared...

im scared to even look at him...
well not scared la..pfft..he soooooooooo does not scare me. haha
but

cuz now..i no longer see the guy i fell in love with..

i see the guy who hurted me so bad..

i no longer trust my heart. he's never been on the receiving end,so i guess..he'll never know how i felt,hence...he wont ever change. hmmm :( forbidden love?? lols. i dunno. alicia says..i gotta value my myself more..he doesnt deserve me..sometimes i do think thats true..she says that he's never gonna change cuz he knows that i'll always be there in the end..i guess thats true..ali's like uber awesome..haha..thats her fave words..uber awesome..LOL..so yea...=/

it sucks

that the only person who can make you happy

is the one who hurted you so badly.

worst part is..

he doesnt know how

i dont blame him cuz hmmm...he's only had one ex..and im not being proud here..just..i guess i have a bit more experience than him..i like the fact that he's trying though. and yea i do appreciate it ;) but..hmmm...

despite his flaws...he's golden in some ways that nobody understands but me.=DDDD ily but ISH cuz everytime i say ily there will be an ISH behind it. get me? hahaha..nemind..ily 15 but now..i dont know anymore..like..i dunno how i feel anymore..

on the plus side..haha im married to nicky! lols..chillex peeps..its just for fun,like we just wanna see how people react...its lame but ha! fun.

yeps thats all. taz ;)

a new start. a new me.

.i broke up with him, on Sunday..believe it or not,through facebook. anyway..the first few days was really hard on me..was confused of my feelings..cause..part of me was feeling sad that i lost someone i love, but then part of me was finally relieved,no more tears. how lame..cuz after i logged off..started crying -.- hahas

i dunno..i guess letting go is just hard, its never easy. anyway..lately i think im recovering..i seem happier..well..when im not thinking of him that is. its funny that you can still love someone so much after all the pain they've caused you, whats even sadder is, that you cant be with that person cause your afraid of getting hurt the second time. right now, im hanging on. what really hurts me most now, isnt the fact that im not with him, but the fact that..he made it clear to me...

he's not coming back,not this time. he's not gonna change, not even for the one he loves, 

well..at least i think so.

anyways, i think i'll be alright. i think. if you let something go and it doesn't come back..gotta face the ugly truth...that something and you where never meant to be.

:)

you are so nice...

...you just love killing me dont you?....

还要多久 我才能在你身边

....how long...

confused

hmm...seriously im not scared of exams.but why am i getting this weird feeling that somethin'g not right.that something bad's gonna happen.i mean..examwise of course...cold feet?

hmmm...i dont know!

i could just die from being not able to figure out what's wrong.for some reason,im scared.but not that im gonna fail or anything.its something else... :'(

clearing cobwebs..

gosh.how long has it been since i've blogged.well.after continous daily begging from my fans..well..my one fan actually..haha..*slight bit exagerating*...hahah..i've found what to write about. ok.but 1st *dust dust here.dust dust there.clears cobwebs that surounds my blog*

hmm...EXAM...well..what do you expect me to write after that unholy 4 letters.everytime those 4 letters pop up in life...reactions repeat themselves...'omfg'..'die d la'...'how la wana study wei'..'fuck la..we're screwed la'...'sked la wei'...anything you guys wanna add?...hmmmm

well..for one...i have finally reached the point of my life..my 15 year old life...where i am no longer bound to the chains of fear when i hear those 4 letters. and no im not berlagaking or ssing that im smart.truth is,im not smart.i try to be.and that's a good thing.just because im in the first class..also a non braggy point...it doesnt mean i have the potential to get all As in everyting...it dosnt mean i am a pelajar cemerlang..fuck no to that...

everyday i go to school...i hear teachers blabber to us to get As 'or else'..and i see the fatal expression on my classmates face..trying to be a perfectionist when they dont actually realize it...the other day during seni class...my principal..whom after 3 years of knowing me still calls me MORGAN and not my actual non noobish name..continuedly praised our first girl..dashini...and i literally mean repeatedly praising her..asking-forcing students to beat her...and like take her as a role model...well..GOOD FOR HER PN DUMBASS...we're are not jealous,we're proud to call her our classmate and we're glad that in your eyes we will never be as good as her...well in my oppinion anyways...LISTEN TO ME...i have been through years of comparison..my whole life...i've been compared to those always better than me..in fact..i dont actually recall being praised for something that i know is good...

im not asking ya'll to take pity on me...im just asking you this...are you really..willing to be lock in fear,stress,worry when you are compared to people better than you..are you not pleased and satisfied with your best..the best you can give...?!

so im just wondering...why are you people...scared of exam results...or exams itself..??..after all these years i have finally realized something and i deeply hope it helps anyone of ya'll who read my blog..

no matter what result you get..even if you fail..that's the best you gave..NO do not say you did not feel like you gave your best...because you did..well unless you dont study la..anyway...dont worry about how your result we'll come out..you did your best.that's the best you can give.so please.be proud of what you achieved cuz you COULD HAVE gotten worse..but you did NOT..and NEVER ever let teachers or parents discriminate or condemn you cause of your marks..to THEM in their eyes...it was lousy..but dont care...its YOUR result..YOUR effort...its your best. and like..if they scold you, 'why get so low?'..'first class oso can get lidat r'...if you have the guts...i would encourage you to tell them..what you have been keeping in your heart..cuz i know MOST of ya'll have a lot to say to teacher because they misunderstand you..i am one of those victims..but you'tr scared cuz well..in school...they are God..or just seem to be..so if you have guts..tell them but NICELY AND RESPECTFULLY...if you dont dare to tell em..then tell yourself..that is most important..DO NOT let their words bring you down till you get scared again and kill yourself studying till you loose out on life and happiness.

been there.done that.fucking not going back.

if any of ya'll object what ive written.its okay.its just my oppinion and words from experience.so dont judge.

monday's my exam.i haven't study shit cuz i have no time. sorak,prs,shitloads..literally shitloads of homework,family probz..i am clearly screwed...BUT i will still be face to face with that exam paper..and not caring what will happen after it is in their hands..i will know i have gave my best because despite all this things keeping me occupied..i DID actually manage to study...so what i've studied,how much i've studied,although not much..what my result may be..will be my best (:

except for maths...i clearly DO NOT understand that crap..i actually broke down in class yesterday because i had no idea what the teacehr was scribbling and blabbering away...now the only thing im scared of exams is..when im facing that paper..deciding which answer and how to do it...NOT knwing which will be right..for each answer you write leads to what result you'll get..so im only scared for not knowing how to do so im technically increasing my chance of low marks..but hey..my best will be my best (: