Runaway

hmm...isnt it surprising that how one could give such powerful advice to others ( chehh wahh...ss-nye aku..haha)..and yet she can't seem to follow her own advice?..and despite the fact that all my problems are over..burried deep down within me..its so fucking cruel that i have the scars to remind me that the past was real..scars a.k.a flashbacks...everytime i get these flashbacks..like they just come to me..in dreams or something..there's a stingy feeling in my chest where my heart is..and i just alienate myself from the person who caused em..and its not nice...for me or that person...i don't always get these flashbacks...but time to time..they just don't seem to go away..and when i dream about em..like when they come to me in my dreams..it just hurts and pisses me off to see that i was in that stage of sadness and there was no cure..or a potion..or a prince charming that could save me then.

Sure i've heard many 'im sorries'...and its ok..i forgive as usual..but sometimes..sorry is but a word..it doesn't erase all the pain and the sadness away...the most we can do is hope that..everything will be okay eventually..im not saying im sad now..im happy...being the usual me..and i don't expect anything from him to help it go away cuz he cant...its within me to make it go away and i just haven't figure out how yet...cuz...



When you have scars to remind you..its not that easy to forget...you know...the pain is gone..deffinetely gone...the wounds heal day by day...but the scars stay...almost forever...you carry that memory for the rest of your life...its a dramatic way to look at it but its true.


And the worst part is...when you try to make an effort to make it go away..like...not thinking bout it at all...it doesn't go away but keeps coming right back. I just don't know what to do, and i don't think there's anything i can do about it..just gotta endure it...cause..pretty much nobody can help it go away too...

Now...I can't help it if I spaze in a daze.My eyes tuned out the other way.I may switch off and go in a daydream.In this head my thoughts are deep.But sometimes i can't even speak.Will someone be and not pretend,I'm off again in my world.My small little unable-to-runaway world,flooded with flashbacks off what used to be and paranoid thoughts of what could have been.

Life is such a bitch when you can't runaway.