Runaway

hmm...isnt it surprising that how one could give such powerful advice to others ( chehh wahh...ss-nye aku..haha)..and yet she can't seem to follow her own advice?..and despite the fact that all my problems are over..burried deep down within me..its so fucking cruel that i have the scars to remind me that the past was real..scars a.k.a flashbacks...everytime i get these flashbacks..like they just come to me..in dreams or something..there's a stingy feeling in my chest where my heart is..and i just alienate myself from the person who caused em..and its not nice...for me or that person...i don't always get these flashbacks...but time to time..they just don't seem to go away..and when i dream about em..like when they come to me in my dreams..it just hurts and pisses me off to see that i was in that stage of sadness and there was no cure..or a potion..or a prince charming that could save me then.

Sure i've heard many 'im sorries'...and its ok..i forgive as usual..but sometimes..sorry is but a word..it doesn't erase all the pain and the sadness away...the most we can do is hope that..everything will be okay eventually..im not saying im sad now..im happy...being the usual me..and i don't expect anything from him to help it go away cuz he cant...its within me to make it go away and i just haven't figure out how yet...cuz...



When you have scars to remind you..its not that easy to forget...you know...the pain is gone..deffinetely gone...the wounds heal day by day...but the scars stay...almost forever...you carry that memory for the rest of your life...its a dramatic way to look at it but its true.


And the worst part is...when you try to make an effort to make it go away..like...not thinking bout it at all...it doesn't go away but keeps coming right back. I just don't know what to do, and i don't think there's anything i can do about it..just gotta endure it...cause..pretty much nobody can help it go away too...

Now...I can't help it if I spaze in a daze.My eyes tuned out the other way.I may switch off and go in a daydream.In this head my thoughts are deep.But sometimes i can't even speak.Will someone be and not pretend,I'm off again in my world.My small little unable-to-runaway world,flooded with flashbacks off what used to be and paranoid thoughts of what could have been.

Life is such a bitch when you can't runaway.

=D han yu ping ying comes in handy

ok..for security purposes...^^...cuz i dont have the software..chinese star...so...im just gona use han yu ping ying to taip the words out..so like..cuz most of ya'll...my readers...all know hua yu right...so...i dont think its a prob...but gona be complicating gak la..haha..so just try to figure it out...

ok,zhe ji tian...wo jue de...hao xiang yi dian de guai(di 4 sheng) e xia...like..jui jing ne..wo you hen duo de flashbacks...yi qian TA shang wo de shi hou...ni men dou zhi dao wo shua de TA shi shui(di 2 sheng) ba??...wo ye bu dong wei sheng me...zhi shi...like...ru guo...wo men hai zhai yi qi...xian zhai la...i would be like hao xiang...you yi zhong pa pa de gan jue...wei she me ne??...okok...ni men xiang2 kan...ru guo ni men de nan peng you...dui ni hao xiang wo yi qian de nan peng you dui wo...ni men de xin dan ran hui hancur dui bu dui like how mine was??..ok..so..ni men bincang2 etc le...ran hou,he hao le...couple hui(di 2 sheng)...ni men shi bu shi hui you na zhong ke pa de gan jue..like..you'll be scared...ta hui hancurkan ni de xin duo yi chi....ming bu ming bai r??..like you'll be extra careful that you wont go back there again ryte..so thats what im saying la...wo de flasbacks shi lk...wo shi pa ta hui shang wo duo yi chi(altho wo men dou fen le...like wo shi imagine ru guo wo men mei you fen hui zheng yang..ni men bi xu zhi dao..wo hai ai ta....but shi rumit la wo men de story..)....that's why wo hui you shi...shang xin...but then..zhe shi...no cure de....yin wei...'to forget' shi bi jiao nan...ru guo gen 'to forgive' bi....so...aizzzz....xi wang you ren neng bang wo...smetin lk recover xia ba...bang wo ba na xie bad memories gei ta wang diao...yin wei..im done shang xin le....

haha...ok...so lk...i tried my best to recap what i've learnt in dos 12 years of chinese-ed...in 2 years time i can 4get so much crap d...bt nemind la..i tried...i hope you guys who know han yu pin ying..know what im writing...and to those who aren't supoz to read this...you know who you are...muahahahahha...n you know y im torturing your kepoh ass by nt leting u read dis post...bluek bluek bluek bluek...ehehehehhe...chehaha...im a notty lil gal...get use to it  :)

November blues

lately..the november air has been deseased with...november blues-syndrom....myself included...my best frenz included....people come and go.....its really sad how one looses a loved one...i've seen people mourn over loved ones...granparents,friends or relatives.....i don't know if i'm considered lucky or unlucky not to have to mourn over a loved one...yet...i know i don't want to...i mean who wants to right...but hey...at least you guys have had memories with em right...

like for example...

grandparents....recently my best friend's grandpa passed away..*sobz2*...and so did my other friends relatives...of course ya'll are gona be sad...very sad...but think...would they be happy to see you sad like that??..HELL NO...they would want you to live your life and not mourn cuz its their time to pass on...just remember....they're going to a better place...God wants em home...so what you can do is...

a. smile...they've gone to the land of milk and honey...where God is.....is where there's no sadness
b. cherish those memories you had with em (you guys should feel lucky you have any...i never met my grandparents before...my dad said i did...but i cant remember...both grandparents from both sides died...way before i could even say abc...so...cherish em u guys)
c.whatever they've thought you...like advice etc...cherish it,learn from it...even small lil words can chnge your life

k next....

friends,teachers etc etc etc....if they leave you...like im not saying passing away la...just like...if they transfer or migrate or in teachers case...stop teaching you(btw,you so know this section of da blog aplies to you!!!..>.<)...its similar to the above...yes you'l be sad but just cherish the memories and teachings that they gave you...n move on...even if it hurts...there's always something call TRY...

im not sure if this makes sense...but my dad inspired me...
try : T - to
       R - regain
       Y - yourself

hmmm.......... :(

hmmm...my emotions are kinda out of control lately....i dno if its mood swings...i highly doubt...its just....a depressing feeling kind of thing..can't really put my finger on it...it s depressing feeling but im not depress...weird ey?....hurrrrmmmm....its just like....im loosing the tendancy to care bout anything....yea something like that...but rest assured...im not emo or whatever....lol...hmmmm....

i dno...its just like....i get a feeling that almost everyone around me is leaving...not avoiding...just leaving....saddening no?

in reality...it may seem like they're leaving for a short period of time...but to you...its...different...

:(

hmmmm...when im like sad...or just weird...emotionallly...haha...i listen to acoustic music.....it kills...but smehow...its adictive...lol...

that's random...but nemind..take it as general knowledge to get to know me better...my readers....

december...hmmmm.....   :(   

My December

hmmmm...just so you know...im bored...that's why im only writing this...probly in reality i wouldn't obey half the stuff on this list....chehahaaha...but like most of the IMPORTANT MONEY SPENDING ONES...il bribe my parents or smetin so i can b an obediant lil list follower...^^...hey...its a good thing k..learning to be responsible to something...chehahahaha...^^

In KL :
- drag tim to go out with me...surian and marcus can tag along to...surian can be the tour guide...il be his assistant...tim and marcus can b the pelancongs...well...dey r...i xnt b the touguide...i get sesat walking around a small taman.....  =(
- drag tim to buy stuff for me...he owes me
-buy stuff for tim...i owe him
-bond with marcus....hmmmmm...
-bond with sheila....hmmmm...
-do not let tim forceful feed me...
-forceful feed tim
-make his mp3 mine
-get a canon camera
-avoid bra shopping with my mum
-avoid spending too much money    :'(
-never spend your own money
-spend aunts money ^^
-just joking
-maybe
-that was random
-im always random
-nevermind
-spend less in KL...monster it in bangkok



In Bangkok :
-don't get human trafficked
-get good reception..i need sms
-do not eat what most thai people eat...BUGS
-eat things that dont move
-shopping with sheila and aunts = parasitism...chehahaha...jk
-bonding with sharon...nice
-hmmm...im out of things
-will add when i think of any
-bye

emerge :(

again...i let emerge slip by this year...i ditched it for a concert last year n this year...i missed it again..-.-....i was in kl on thursday...emerge was on friday..wtf...i cudv like...stayed back one day...but...hurrrmmm...being a good gal to be...what to do..got sch...=.=....school sucks....bt friends rule...chehehahaha.. :)

for fun..^^...not being needy...you know how gals are...cheehahaha

heyy ya peoples. guys and gals. well i know you people keep a list of expectations of that perfect man or woman.. well heres mine. haha it may be long and i will keep on adding.

1.i know theres three main things that a girl wants. a man thats tall, dark, and handsome. well thats almost impossible to find. but for now, 2 out of three is good...^^

2. now i want a guy that knows how to flirt properly. HE cannot do this: hit me 5 times in a row (even though it may seem funny, it isnt) its irritating. and it also hurts. do not keep touching me. eww gross. i want my bubble space. do not call me 3 times a day. its irritating. flirt when i flirt. and no, saying hi is not flirting.lol.

3. keep me guessing. keep the chase running for a little while. i'll do the same. its fun. well for me.haha. dont give in to easily. if you like me, dont show it too much.haha but dont keep me waiting too long.

4. doesnt lead me on.

5.his friends gotta be nice to me.

6.gives me my space.

7.knows what to say to me during my darkest hours.

8. sweet but not korny.lol..but then...whatevers fine with me..haha

9.says that i'm beautiful not hot or sexy.haha. not respectful...but then again...when your in a long term relationship...i guess its a adaptable thing huh...haha...*screw this point*

10. has his goals. i want somebody that strives for what he believes in.

11. i dont want to seem shallow. but c'mon gotta have at least some money...hahaha...jk

12.has that *it* factor with me.

13. has to be funny. know how to make me laugh. anytime.

14.honesty.

15. respect.

16. makes mistakes, but learns from it.

17.i'd rather go out to an amusement park than a restraunt....weeee~

18. thinks i'm cool. :)haha..altho what i do is weird sometimes....ehehehe~


19. thinks what i do is cool.:)

20. hes cool. :) well. awesome.

21.oh yess and treats my friends with respect.

22. learn something new from him everyday.

23. teaches me something new everyday...but if you nag..your asking for me to ask my brother to seat on u..teeeheeee~

24. oh and has to have a voice of an angel. so i can listen to it late at night when i'm tired and early in the morning when i'm grouchy ;). and being a total lazy ass in bed...not a morning person esp on weekends..xD

25. loves me for who i am.

26.make sure that i'm happy. and knows when something is bothering me. and try to get it out of me even though i say no. cuz i want to tell you, but you have to drag it out of me.hahahaha.

27. plays a sport or has a hobby. *but if i'm with you*. i'm priority. thats just how it is. sorry. but i support your sport too. so dont get me wrong. i'll be at your games. being the loudest one ;) and the one smearing eggs at the other team's bus if you loose...=D

28. dresses nicelyy. you know. the nice AE shirt with the pants and shoes. and a jacket.haha. nah:). doesnt have to be exactly like that. but you get the point.

29. spoils muah.haha. you know how it is.

30. i'm never quiet when i'm with him. gotta be me. if i'm quiet. something is wrong. or i dont like you the wayy i'm suppose to....hmmm...

31. holds the umbrella for me when its raining...haha...not necesarry

32. opens the door for me.

33. himself when hes around me.gotta be crazyy.and fun

34. doesnt do drugs, drink, smoke. you know how it is. want a clean boyy.

35. yess i wish on stars got a prob?;)

36.brings me delicious foods for me to snack on cuz i'm a hungryy little girl.:P. oh yess 35 that was random. haha i'm random liddat.

37.always thinks of how to make me happy.

38.picks simple fights. the kind that doesnt matter. like a movie or something. haha let me win. haha nah.:)

39. calls exactly at the right time...or text will do

40. knows what i'm thinking. *haha* psychic. did i spell that wrong.:(

41.nice smile :D

42.lets me have my wayy sometimes.:)lol demanding.cheehahaha.

43.isnt obssessive.spelt that wrong didnt i.

44.haha im a bad speller.

45.that was random.

46.never thinks i expect him to be the perfect guy...cuz..if im with you,you're already perfect in my eyes eventho you do shytty things at times...but hey...its all good fun...eheehehehe~

if you are this guyy. cool. if your a girl and agrees with me. cool. haha. yeah. well i'm gonna add more later.okay bye