gosh...1,2,3rd day of school and already under pressure...
the teachers i got are alright...besides my BM teacher..she's a real fucking a-hole straight up...and its so fucking annoying that every period when the teacher comes in and like...P M R...heelloooo byotch we are aware....*sorry for vulgar words but...im pissed(mostly at myself)...sad...tension...lack of sleep...so...im allowed to...haha*....and its only january....damn....
ok so like....PMR is like already the major part where tensioning kicks in so like add in a spoonful of bad romance...wow...and i though this year was gonna be awesome...well..technically..i still think it will be but like...urrrghh....with the shitload of crap that's happening NOW...it seems improbable...but hopefully not impossible...what troubles me most is like...i don't know how to revise it..i mean like..i so can't be fucked to do it...like...so can't be bothered...gahhhh!!...like...i don't know where to start and like im always worried that if i start on one..then like...oh shit..what about the other one..like...i just wish i could just upload it all one shot straight up....aizzz...lately...i've been swearing a lot..but hey..can't blame a girl who is expected to be a perfectionist..especially by her unending-fear-of-failure conscience...not ss-ing but if you were me...only you'd understand what im saying here...i mean...hmmm...i dunno...everyone goes through tension times like these yea?..but like...oh my God..i just...urggh...i dunno....like..i really really need someone i can like lean on...my best friend just got fucking shipped off to the second class...fucking board of educators...and im missing her...and like...zhen is kinda no help..he gives me the same advice repeatedly which is so not working...urrghh....
the person i need so much right now...hmm...isnt here...and...like...hmm...why am i complainin anyway bout 'why isnt he here'....we're like not together also..and like..its so weird...love is complicating...when im not with him...i feel as though a part of me has died...but when im with him...its like its so vulnerable for me to die inside...like...being hrut unrealizedly...anyway...its not like the 1st time i've felt this way..like...sometimes he macam x care aje....sometimes aje la..not always...just...mostly..these few days...but...it still hurts though...like there's this stingy feeling in you and like its making you cry but ooohh!...fail!...u don't end up crying...*cries*...but not that i doubt this person but like...hmmm...i dunno..but i dont doubt him...just...hmm....i duno....i dont wana know la...just..tryna focus...but i'd still wish things were different...i dont know if it will be....but...hey..doesn't hurt to dream right... :(
ANYWAY...that's not really my problem now..well..maybe like...a bit....but MOSTLY...now...i don't know what to do now...most of it concerns my studies...like...ahhhhhh!!...how to process 3 years of knowledge before...march....my gosh...better get started...but fuck!!..dno where...dno what...form1/2/3...arrrghhh!!...
i need a hug :( ...and maybe a time machine......or...just a fork....just...stick it through my throat....
death is simple....quiet......life is hard...but i don't wanna die...just wish life gave me a chance to like..actually not write blogs like these...full of f-words and like...etc thats bad....anyway..sorry for the bad words... :(
death is simple....quiet......life is hard...but i don't wanna die...just wish life gave me a chance to like..actually not write blogs like these...full of f-words and like...etc thats bad....anyway..sorry for the bad words... :(
im not always like this but like....fuck today!
bye and sowieeee me readers for vulgarity...hmm..is that even a word...haha..dunno....awhh..:(
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